So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
