Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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