There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
