its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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