Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
should my penis look like a turkey
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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