just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
