Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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