I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
