Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
