I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize