literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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