I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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