no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
