i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
