Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
