dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
