Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
