Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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