She's JV to your varsity
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
