i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
