The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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