Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize