I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
