Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
