Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I need help removing her.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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