9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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