so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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