well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
NoShamevember. You game?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
