it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
