that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
