I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
