just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
