How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
