i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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