If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
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