Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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