He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
