If i could tip my vagina, i would.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Im part way to drunk.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
