The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
