I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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