I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize