u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
