Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
