i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
