I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
