I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
