Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
