i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Alive.
So much puke
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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