What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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