I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
