y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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