me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
