I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I am spending my child support on dildos
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize