please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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