I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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