i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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