I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
