wat bout pragnant strippers??
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
