I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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