Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
