Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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