I wish my penis had an off switch
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
