I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Please, let me fuck your mom
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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