Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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