The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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