Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
