Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize