he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
