I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
