i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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