News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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