I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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