you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
