dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
