I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
