...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
