We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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