Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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