the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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