Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize