Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
