The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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